"It'll Happen When You Stop Looking" and Other Lies

I can't tell you how many times someone has told me it happens when you stop looking. Somehow I just don't believe that. If you aren't looking for Mr/Miss Right then why in the world would you go out on a date with someone? I know some will say, "How about to just have something to do or to have fun?" I can do that with my friends. If I say yes to a guy to go on a date then I say yes with the intent of seeing if there is any potential of something developing. After all, isn't that the entire purpose of dating? I do, however, believe it happens when you least expect it. That is something entirely different. A guy you might not expect asks you out. You still are "looking" but it happens in a way you didn't expect.

Another one people tell singles is "there's someone for everyone." Yet again another fallacy. According to the 2000 census there were 86 single men for every 100 single women. Yes, there are more single women than men. I teach even and odd numbers and if my calculations are correct then there are going to be 14 women left out if these 86 men pick a wife from these 100 women. Yes I know there are reasons why some of that 100 don't want to be married but the same is true for those 86 men. And just to make it clear, there are more single women than single men. So there isn't statistically enough available men for every woman.

"You're next." Many a single has had that said to them at weddings, engagement parties, and showers. I wonder how many times this prediction has come true? I don't even bother to try to catch the bouquet at weddings anymore. I just stand out there so the bride can have some people in her pictures. Thankfully the last wedding I went to avoided this tradition. I think the next time I have that spoken to me I'm going to say "You're next" to the same person at the next funeral we both go to. ;)

This last one is one that I hear probably more often than the first one: "God has someone for you." How do you know that is the plan God has for me?  I sure am glad others have more faith than I do about that. I know marriage and motherhood might not be in God's plan for me. And certainly it hasn't been His plan for my life thus far. I know most of society is set up for couples and families. That is the path that God has for most people. However, not everyone is chosen to walk that path. Some are chosen by God to receive the gift of singleness. Is this better than being married? No but neither is marriage. Both are gifts from God and all of His gifts are good.

So what advice do I have for those who would like to be supportive of their single friends in their trials of finding Mr./Miss Right? Be supportive of when he/she is feeling frustrated. Listen to what he/she has to say with out giving any advice or judgement. Sometimes we just want someone to just listen to us. It's hard enough living in a coupled up world with out our friends appearing to pass judgement on us. Don't offer to set him/her on a blind date when he/she has just had a big pity party. Do offer to set him/her up when he/she is in a good mood. Most of us will go on blind dates but trying to do a set up when we are having a tough time isn't a great way to try to see if he/she is "the one". Encourage your single friends to enjoy life. Some singles feel like they can't live the abundant life unless they are coupled up. (This is one thing that I haven't fallen prey to.)Don't always do activities with your coupled up friends. And for the love of all that's decent, please do not EVER say to a single person, "Boy I sure am glad I don't have be in the dating world." We know how hard it is with out you reminding us. We are reminded daily of that fact. And whatever you do, please, please please don't tell him/her any of these lies that we get told quite often. They don't help to begin with and they just aren't true!